hahha
good mood today

"happy little shiny people"

dunno what make my day

maybe the wiring on STAMP board
maybe craig
maybe izham
maybe zaza
maybe it's just me!

one entry perpage
that short
is not worth seeing and reading

rite?

*on my way to meeting people*
pretend Nadhra, pretend..hahahahhahahahha

suicide awareness and prevention center
nananannanannananannanananannanannanana

11.57 at midnight

forgot to say thank you
to axxurie, who sent a bunch of postcards
from japan
what was very nice of you

if there is anything i can do
email me
or write here

thanks again

one more hour before C++
butterfly everywhere

i am upset
me and kyoung rae
cannot aplly for the same room we
for next academic year
because the whole building is full

but i think
logically thinking
i should not be upset
because we can always apply for other room
and i can always apply for single room
right?

maybe i am just too tired
that little things excite me too much

ME assign due tomorrow
wost due friday

housing application?
no where yet to be seen

math TA send email
apologizing
he did not show up
because he is sick

aaa..cheer up
smile

but i do not want to meet
anyone i know
can i?

time: approximately 5 hours and 15 minutes to c++ exam
location: lind hall computer lab

today is the reapplication day
for residence housing
me and kyoung rae went to the computer lab
after breakfast this moning

i went to recitation for DE
and the TA was not there
so
like half an hour before the class end
half of the class left

so tired last nite
slept early
but nervous of today's exam

i was so scared of yesterday's issue
and i slept , dreaming about it
huh
this time

i tried to let go
if it still does not work
i guess this spring break
i got not only house cleaning to do
but also "mind cleaning"

and don't worry
i am okay
hehehehhehhe

location: lind hall, taylor center ( undergraduate study lounge )
table: very end
people: me & izham

me: risau la , my result for the last 2 semesters had been lower than most people
izham: ( quiet )
me: rasa nak balik mesia, transfer lagi baik la
still quiet, simply looked at me with that " empty " look

izham: nak balik jugak
me; ko wat per balik, score jer
izham: ala, baru dua sem, dah la makin menurun
me: turun2 pun lepas 3.5 lagik
senyap lagik

me: ntah, last sem ader problem tak dpt dikesan kot
izham: at least skang ko dah happy, ader roommate best
me: hope so, ntah, tak tahu!

he changed the topic of discussion, then we left for ME class.

would it be better for me if i change from here to there?

would it be better if i can become like him/her?

or is it just me, who living up these thoughts
when i am actually scared
to stare into the mirror and

to get to know who i really am?

is it just me?
or is it true GPA any lower than 3.5
is umemployable?
ker?

pls do try to answer the above, i am afraid to know both
me and my future

just leave me where you know me
and the rest will be forgiven !

still dying of boredom
writing papers
reading codes and coding
loops

read about people's blues
kept thinking
"where am i going?"

used to be
i imagine if i can't make it
to the varsities
i wanna go to MFI
malaysia france institute
and study for HND
higher national degree
in engineering
and take the long way to jobplace


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is not he critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man
who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs and comes short again and again;
who knows great enthusiasms,
the great devotions;
who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while
DARING GREATLY
so that his place shall never be
with those timid souls
who know neither victory or defeat.


Theodore Roosevelt
26th President Of The United States
Books Quotes

tadik dah tulih jenel
tapi server blogger ni buat lawak
so tuko la browser mene(T)ry skali lagik

what i am thinking:

why school days seem so long
and weekend seems so short?
why i have no motivation writing my paper?
why am i single? ( certain ppl, do not try to answer this)

what i am thinking to tell people:

sera: i found it!

shazlan : jahat!!!!!, dtg la sini masa spring break,
so that i can give you a kick on the butt!

azlina: sweater you dah 2 hari i pakai, comfy ahh
jom, gi shopping when you get here!!

aza: get well soon

zaza: nak nasik lemak!!!!

kak farah; sorry tak join gi swimming

farah: uikss, mimpi aper kasik email? ( lawak tak berkenaan )

org2 jiwang: apsal korang sumer jiwang?

me: have a peaceful and safe week ahead, smile, laugh out loud, score in c++, finish you wost paper and finish report for beam bending experiment...
else: relax!!... and enjoy ( as quoted from "good guy")

input

masalah mat jan != masalah budak2 sini
masalah mat jan = masalah ed awal tahun lepas
tapi
cara org dlm masalah ed != cara org dlm masalah mat jan

compile

printed on scren

mat jan != ed

( review programming sblm mid term selasa depan )

end up that i did not do both
shopping or finishing my paper
end up i watching minnesota oechestra
with jenni , and her friends
( which include 2 guys from germany )

i am all about germany nowadays

i had a "bad" dream last nite
it was long
and as soon as it ends
i woke up

and the phone rang
it was sera

but the dream was about
one of my closest friend
"the beautiful soul"
that is what her name means

i immediately call her up
making sure she is allright
left a msg in her handphone voicemail
i think she has not awaken yet

i am worried


( well actually, in real life, i do not think she would do such things)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

another story

yesterday was the fourth time
someone who speaks arabic as their native
again, translated my name for me
in their dialect usage

ayah, you should have been very more careful when you chose my name
hehehhehhehehehehehhehehehehhehehehhehehehhehehehehehehhehhe

i was calling a travel agency to get my tickets
when the person who was taking my info down
is from middle east

" did you know your name means scarce?"
"hard to find, rarely found?"

and i said
"yeah i had heard that 3 times now"

the first person who told me that
was at the festival of nation
then a taxi driver ( here when you order a taxi, you have to give your name down,
so that when they come to pick you up, they don't pick people who did
not call them )
then from lamia,

now from this guy

man, i knew it means beauty
in Quran , at least

but not rare
because that will depend on me
whether the rarity is

invaluable in a way or the other

and more that 40 people had call em by that name
kan doa tuh?

iskkk
iskk iskk
iskkk

Wonderful - by EverClear
utk Sera

"Hey, ain't life wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... Isn't it wonderful now?"

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little and the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little and the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no

I don't wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no

I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same, just like it used to be

Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

dah?

finally
the page looks more appealing
thus
during spreing break, i'll be working on the
"home" for this page

and i am going to need help
a lot of help
esp from sera, kak aquil and anas
if possible

has anas went back to malaysia?
or is he still in korea?
artbiy, if you are reading this
respond to this pls
( you deleted my entry on your guestbook the other day :) )

i did not realize this
but my spring break is way later than aother people
2 weeks after lina's spring break
ain't that late?

got one more offer for tickets
865 from tripmakers
gonna call them today
and book if that is available...

tell me, should i go shopping today or
try to finish my paper?

can't figure out why table on the left side is "supppressed"

trouble shooters, anyone?

oh well
baby tak sihat hari nie
her mom brought her to see the doctor
then she called me asking for next thu and fri
to look after her baby
supposedly, maryam is a sanguine baby
hehehehhe

that simplify things a lot

stuck here (again, sigh)
finishing the string coding
don't worry
i am fine today
my hormones war is not as bad as before
budak nakal has taken half of it last nite

by the way, si nakal,
how's your exam
and why haven't reply my mail yet?
ha? why? ha?
your reply made me feel guilty, but, who cares!!, hihihihi, you got your princess, aper lagik, pi report la..hehhehe

miss comel
sorry i can't take your call
i am still in the lab
i sent you an email explaining everything
thanks for the sweater and the valentine's card

both are wonderful
the sweater looks cute with the flower
thingie
he he he he
but short la ( sampai waist exact
so i kene carik long short sleeve to match up
that sweater, kan?

still have not found the culprit behind
the e valentine's card
i wonder if miss comel actually terforgot that she send me 2 cards, a real one and and e card

miss comel
respon to this

haa..
tak tgk lagik muka baru page nie
few people kata comel blue dia, hehehe, LONG LIVE BLUE

funny
menstrual a taboo thingie
yeah yeah yeah
whatevea

return travel agency call last nite
mom
i got ticket now, but stil waiting

it does not sounds really good
but my flight will be on the 9 and arrving on the 10th
of august in malaysia, 10.25 pm
that is if i got on board this time
i am still browsing though

it is cheap tooo
under 1000 , just as i estimated la...

but i will stil browse around

lunch with Julie
interesting
( Julie - Ryan )

go class at 2.30 ( 12 minutes from here )
haaaaa..
the egyptian lady
really wantes me to babysit her daughter
maryam tomorrow!

i have not seen babies in while
i have no clues what to expect

ikutkan plan
i want to go shopping right after class esok
but then this lady emailed me
kesian pulak
dia nak keje
takder org nak jaga baby dia
tolong pun takper kot
skali skala tolong org
friday buleh pi shopping
ala..tapi, essay wost tuh due tuesday
tuesday pulak ader exam c++ lab

man, serba salah
nak enjoy utk diri sendiri
ker nak tolong org?

2 funny things happen today

incident 1.

got back my DE result
at first
i was surprised
and almost felt
"of all things i've done? "
then realized that my TA
had count my result wrong
went to see him
and add 12 more points

incident2.


i got my period
and it was painful
went to boynton
and found really cheap painkiller
1.50 for 50 pills

then wanted to get hold
of a gynea ( maybe kak max can help me)
asking for birth pill control
the way the clerk look at me
{ gosh, she but be sexually active! }
hell no,
i need it to relieve my pain
parmenantly
i hope

that's all for now
need to catch c++ lab

bad me
can't keep my mind shut
always exists something i wanna think about

right now the issue is
loneliness
and (?)

function (?)
cout<<"enter issues"<cin>>?>>endl;

use your highly intelligent skill
to interpret the above
thank you

la la la la la la

this is a self terminating( destruct ) information
will be available only for 3 days
then self terminating sequence will be completed

it's OVER.

just got back from dinner
in one small
tiny restaurant

and mom
guess what?

along dah jumpa sizzling mee kat sini
tapi takder ayam aa
ader sayur2 jer
and tak beberapa pedaas sgt
but really reminds me of sizzzling me
yg pakai yee me tuh
yum yum

the dish name is lo han jai
erkk..kot!
-----------------------------------------------------
and i saw
2 girls eating with their mom
erkk....syahdu sat
miss the times when
all of us
me
mom
daddy
GG
aizat
azwan
and sakinah
walked around pasar malam
few nights before i left malaysia

mom rarely go out
she hate going out
( ker you like it but can't find time for it? )
she usually
"halau" all the kids to playground at 6
and prefer to be left alone till like 7
and daddy usually work outside the house too
during that time

with his motorcycle
( remember the old one? )
or the van
or trimming the trees
cabut rumput
layan pokok2 dlm pasu2 tuh

man, wanna go home la
feel *funny*

"budak nakal, if you are reading this, make sure you are smiling...
tak best la tgk anda bersedih2an,.....tak suka aaa, jgn la wat camnie"

many people had misunderstood
my writing on the presentation

one person interpreted it as
"ed la yg tak reti terima compliment"
"ed, american tuh puji superficial,
tipu jer sumer tuh, nak jaga hati"
" ed american nie, teruk ekk? minum arak, bla..bla"

oh well,
you all need a higher
and better atitude to interpret
my thinking next time

sepatah kata udika
the one who wears hijab does not mean
she is a good person
or the one who wears
short skirts
is a bad person

they were vener given any chance to Islam
and us keep kutukin' them
saper lagik tak baik?

why not, rather then
saying bad things to them
approach them and
see them as human?

peace!

( lagik suka kang out ngan mereka yg korang kater teruk tuh dari hang out ngan korang yg perasan baik)

jam dah menunjukkan pukul 7.15 mlm
ed masih berada dlm 4-250 EE SCI
di hadapan mesin unix ini
di sediakan oleh University oF minnesota
dibeli dari Solaris
with preinstallation of Java

bersama- sama lab partner yg tak mahu putus asa
menyelesaikan soalan terakhir
raphson equation
setelah bertungkus lumus
semalam menyiapkan diamond,
propability telepon,
dan juga 3 soalan2 lain di dalam kelas

kepenatan masih terasa
perut masih kosong
camna la nak kasik perut nie
kalau kosong
tak rasa pelik
rasa normal jer
sbb badan ni asyik nak makan jer
24/7
ishhh
makan tido
tuh jer dia suka
hampeh tul badan ku yg best ini

soalan raphson ini tidak la susah
cuma tricky
kene buat 2 while loop berjalan dlm satu masa
atau
kene tgk cara2 anda mengassign
x1 kepada x1
sblm loop ituh berakhir

kerana kebencian saya
kepada for loop
telah lama ku tinggalakan loop yg jahat itu
nasib baik ader 2 lagi loop lain
do while and while

benci for loop
berbelit2
kalau jln nak pegi genting highland

lupa nak puji sket
stablenyer mesin unix ni ekkk
dah dekat 5 jam ed ader kat sini
( smlm lagik la , 7 jam you )
takde rpulak dia hang ker
cam window tuh
guna la power point lebih dari 2 jam
kejap lagi kejang la pc tuh

time kasih unix
kerana suh ed duk sini sampai assigment ni siap
benci la
esok dah ari sabtu
org plan nak enjoy2 nie

homework plak sibuk
friday nite nie
kiterang jer la duk dlm lab
org lain sumer pi party
bagus gaks
tader ler jam lab nie

udah ler mesin nei best
screen dia pulak 21 inchies
( salaj eja rasa nie )
fuiyoo
tuh la
kang mata nie penat la sat gi
tido lagik 12 jam

komputer2
tak heran la programmer jadik kaya
susah rupanya ekk?
takper
nanti ed jadik engineer
yg lagik kaya dari programmer

korang caya tak
pro E tuh
harga dia satu software
14 ribu USD?
dlm university nie
ader satu lab jer yg ade Pro E
penuh plak tuh
ed tak tgk lagik
isk...
homework, homework
aper la kamu nie...

tuh jer la
lapo perut nie
aper la perut
apsal la asyik lapo jer?
isk isk isk

ponteng klas DE
tido selama 12 jam
crazy me
since thursday camnie

tido jer everytime i got back to my room
tired maybe
dunno

yesterday spend 7 hours in front of Unix
solving the c++ thingie
hate it
6 problems this week
last week just 5
week before just 4

i wonder what's next

got to do Pro E
got to write application to german essay
got to read C ++
got to catch up math homework
got to go to sno ball
got to get dress to go to that sno ball
( gonna practice Jess's swing dancing trick! )

yeah yeah yeah
later!

nadhra

hahaha
finally the most hectic day is over
and i feel fine about it

i am going to tell you about
my presentations that i just had
in my ME class
and the feedback that my classmate
gave to me after the presentation

most people nowadays
if asked
when is your most proudest moment
would take like 3 minutes before they are able to answer that
and when last week
leaderquest groups
was asked to disscusseds about this topic
most people could not came out
with anything at all

as tony blue eyes put it
"we are living in a humble society that we forget
what we are good for"

true
and so true

i was so excited to
read the feedback my classmates
gave me just now
because i have not been speaking
in front of public for a while
first of all
i am not in malaysia
or else i will still be the "performer"
a debater
hosstess
and a public speaker

and so
my hear was beating hard
that i think the person sitting next to me
can actually hear it

my presentation was about
how CD are produced
and how they work
in a CD player
i think it is the simplest of all

other people was talking
about things in technical term
which i find i had to read
later on
in order to catch up with them

the feedback was formatted to be like this

presenter name:
organizations:
visual:
delivery:
overall:
and comments:

and i have now
next to me
23 index cards
of the above formats
with the range of scores
lowest 7
highest 10
( the scale was between 1-10 )

amazingly as
my personality
the feedback matches up
of who i am
as i thought i am

"talked fast"
almost everybody
gave 10 for my organizations
which i really am very, very
organized person

and one person
wrote
"wow, perfect!"

and i am amazed

i prepared the presentations
like 1 hour minutes before class
because i had my math midterm going
( and sera, yes , we are on a bet now! )

and arrived at class 10 minutes late
well
that does not matter now, does it?

what matter is
once you got front there
talking
to strangers
( people you hardly knew their name! )
it's hard

they have different values than you have
they are fairer ( color ) that you are
and you are the only one wearing hijab
in that class
you do not have any expectations
from them

isn't it weird
that these people
who have different sets of standards
value you more than your own people?

i was saying these
because i remember
when i was in malaysia
giving speech
and talks

i have not yet
encounter any
ANY good and positive feedback
from my audience

malah
in one incident
my audience evem levae the room i was speaking in
because he can't stand "me"

difficuilt
but true
maybe we are all like that
critical to people we know most
"to show that we 'care'"
"hard love"
as my women studies instructor was saying

this makes me more
of feeling that
i don't want to come home
after i am settled down

my own people
do not appreciate me
weird?
or i never listen to them?

but sasha has a point
" i do not wnat my children to grow up here
and learn to say motherfucker"
shessshhhshs
sensored!!!

kyoung rae
said it again last nite
" you know a lot more than other people at your age,
but this world is not fit for people like you".

true
isn't it?

aaaa..
tired still
have not figured put who send the valentine card
talk to lina
she has no clue

got transparencies to draw
books to read
respon for class
at 6

i guess i will be fine

the week began in a stressful way
i am tired
and i got 2 things happening
that really upset me
one:
my superviosr at work send me an email
telling me that i did not do my job very well
last friday
and yesterday
i miss filing out some forms
and forget shelving things on the rack

i feel bad
really bad
because i did not do
my responsiblity very well

but i was sooo tired
and noboy wanted to replace me
not like last semester when somebody
wanted ro rest on sundays
i would not mind replacing her shift

and this semester
no one
answered to my eamil when i need help badly last week

i am behind my homeworks
and i feel bad

two:
somebody uses azlina's
email to send me a valentine card
&*^&*%@#&%@&#%@#%&@(@^#*
i hate people like that
do not

REPEAT
DO NOT USES OTHER PEOPLE NAME

TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELING
COME OUT AND SPEAK UP

YOU CHICKEN!!!!
!^@%!&*#%!&* CHICKEN!!!

aaaa......
i hate this feeling
:( :( :( :( :(

an email to my mom and my dad back at Malaysia:


assalamulaikum wbh

along nak mintak maap sbb tak call dulu sblm gi retreat arituh.
arituh, mmg rush la nak keluar, satu jam sblm pegi baru packing barang, byk giler benda tinggal, ubat gigi la, selipar la, t shirt la, stokin wool la...

dan resultnyer, along sgt2 la enjoy retreat tuh sbb budak2 kat situ sumer baik2, hahaha, tak macam budak2 melayu, hahahahah
along tak suka budak melayu, hahahha, jahat2....

apsal ntah sejak akhir2 nie, rasa budak2 melayu tak best, bukan tak best cam teruk sgt ker aper, tapi rasa cam kene pretend biler lepak ngan derang...camner nak explain aa? tak reti aaa...tapi along tak suka..tuh for sure, rasa cam kene jadik org lain...sbb derang akan cakap belakang2 kalau kiter buat benda2 yg dia rasa tak betul, sah2 la cam makcik2 yg suka duk bergossip, ekekek, budak laki pun sama jer....

arituh, masa senior KISAS along call, mintak tolong aper ntah, along sergah2 dia sket, ekekeke, kalau tak sergah, nanti dia tepon lagik, mintak tolong lagik, dah ler takder credit..ekekeke sekali sekala gila kuasa pulak...

along pun tak tahu, pastuh tetiba rasa homesick plak. sbb masa balik ader mamat nie hantar, and dia terus nak balik umah dia yg ader mak and ayah and adik dia, iskk..

balik2 bilik, bilik kosong, kyoung rae gi study kot...so rasa excited balik camping nie, terbuku begitu sahaja, rasa nak nangis plak...sbb kalau kat mesia, balik dari camping, bileh balik umah, ader mak and ayah nak dgr cerita along ...kan? kalau tak pun ader adik2, ader GG, aizat, azwan and ina..walaupun derang tuh takde ler beso mana...

alamak, air mata dah nak jatuh nie..sedih sekejap, dah ler tak jumpa2 tiket balik..mak and ayah takder kenal sesaper yg kene MAS ker, ekekek
buleh tolong carik tiket murah..anak mak and ayah nei dah jadik kedekut skit...mak la ajar nie..:)

tuh la, keluhan anak mak and ayah yg jauh nie..ishhh..susah nak describe feeling bila ader sorang lagik mamat yg naik kete tuh cakap
" lepas balik bilik, ader org amik bawak balik umah, wonder aper ader kat umah ( food)" sbb masa tuh kat tangan ader sandwich subway tuna,

tgh lapo sgt2 tuh...sedih pulak, kalau kat mesia, cam masa balik dari camping kat melaka tuh, kurang2 ader sayur masak air mak tuh ngan ikan goreng..plus sambal belacan..simple tapi, yum yum yum.....

kelako2..takper la...jgn la risau, along dah okay kot, bulehnyer handle nie..dah ler kene keje sejurus selepas balik dari camp..takder org nak amik shift along

kurang2 takder ler terpikir pasal nak balik mesia jer, kan?
balik nie nak basuh baju, kemas barang balik, and tido
esok baru baca buku
ari rabu ader exam ngan presentation
tak mula aper2 lagik
nasib esok ader org ganti keje...

okay

along yg rasa nak balik umah
and tetiba rasa nak mak and ayah ader kat sini
nadhra

allright
alhamdulillah
i got back here to minneapolis
safely

and tired and sleepy
but got to wotk till 7 today
from 3

need to do laundry
need to eat
need to study

tomorrow is MOnday
black monday
hahahhahaa

still tired
need to sleep

it was fun
at the retreat
got to know
basically
who is and what is everyone like

gonna miss their voice
the good laugh
the good jokes
"hall of fame?"
and cranking bed
hihihihihihihi

the coldness of catch the flag
snow till my knee
cold!

destroy the baloon
beef strong enough
hahahahhahhaha
elementary school food
icecream

sigglekow
mid terms
other language
spanish
indoesian
( ryan is going to indonesia this summer
if he drop by at malaysia, that would be cool )

jess and glitter
craig and my first hug
kate the simplest
laurel the traveler

2 brook
2 erin
ryan, brad
miranda
amber
abe the sleeper :)
baghlan the challenger

oretty much people around me

tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dah lama tak pegi St Paul
since keje ari ahad
and short shift during the day

so tadi john tak dtg keje
and ed kene hantar videos
to magrath library
and on the way back and forth
ed pikir pasal my will be robot

takder idea nak wat robot aper
as a result
i simply let my mind wander around

robot for humidifier
with humidty detector
( tapi robot nie tak bergerak)

robot perasa makanan
"this food contain high level sugar"
( utk pesakit diabetes )

robot main
sep2 tom2
heheheeh

robot yg bila kanak2 yg picit butang
keluar gula2
kalau org dewasa
keluar punumbuk
ekekekekkekek

robot lipat baju

robot bukak surat

robot membulatkan snow

robot buat candy

hahahhahahahah
saper nak kasik idea
what kind of robot i can build
that is moving
and do useful things

and masa c++
tetiba bau minyak wangi
yg sgt merecall memori
meresepi udara around me
before i left
tanya la mamat belakang tuh
" do you wear x brand kind of perfume?"
and he said " no"
aaaaa...seram la nie
sign of something ker?

and from today
till sunday
korang takyah la susah2
lawat website
unless u really2 miss me
( cam ader sorang tuh :))

i will be out of town till sunday at 1

c ya guys!

here i am suddenly feeling
oppressed
when i speak
she said "okay"
and "yup"
and i have even finished speaking yet

that's a senario which happened today
and i regret feeling that way
i regret not thankful for meeting such a wonderful person
and such a patient person
with my temper
and my child like behaviour

i regret that
i am not thankful for the wonderful TA i met
who gave full points for a compiling code
that does not work as the scheme
( i am not, cheating )
wink wink

though i spent like
6 hours in the IT lab today
on a unix machine
solaris taht is
i am not sad
nor tired
nor hungry
( ehehhe )
just flat and blue
almost cried when baca yassin tadi
apa2 la ed nie...

okies
gtg
got to find topic for engineering class
presentation on next wed

ayaiyaiyaiyai
here come the 4th weeks of school
and there is so much to do
2 drawings due tomorrow
and c++ program is not finished
this is the first time
ever, never i had not finish
the assignment in class time
( baru 3 weeks, hehe )

the nightmare had begin

i slept when
i got back from my DE disscussion
dreamt i was back
home in house
in Malaysia
and i skip classes for a week
to go home

that is so insane
but i do kind of homesick now

then suddenly
really really
wanna go back
ahahahahahahha

*understress but forgotten*

me and my differential equations and linear algebra class
this is an email due to my "cannot answer syndrom in math courses"

Hi Nadhra,

Sorry for the late reply.
I recommend you try some sample tests. If you've solved many
problems in
the book, but still don't know what to do when you come across
the
'real' problems in quiz or exam, then it is helpful to practice
solving
problems without knowing in advance from which sections the
problems come.
I will give you some sample tests before mid & final, or you can
find or
make it by yourself. Solve them as if a real test.
Don't be depressed too much by the result of quizzes. They are
just for
you to find your weak points in what you learned. Anyway I want
you to
know that the quizzes which the prof is making are not somewhat
hard.

Thanks,

Pilwon Kim




then i wrote back
On Mon, 5 Feb 2001, NaD'hra Halig wrote:

> hi
>
> thanks for your concern. if you don't mind, can you bring some
sample test
> to class tomorrow or on thursday? so that i can work on them
before this
> coming midterm?
>
> i am in your section 9-10 tue and thu, ford hall 150
>
> appreciate it
>
> nadhra

Hi

Sure, I will bring it.
Anyway I just found mistake in my previous mail. I tried to
mean,
the quizzes in these days are hard! ^^
See you

Pilwon Kim

can you believe the mistake? hihihihihihihihihihihii...i laugh out the scared guts in my stomach badly when i read this!

ngantuknyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nie yg malas nie
bukan tak cukup tido
pagi tadi woke up at 6
kene call Lina
sbb rasa bersalah smlm
aaaaa...

ader lagi 2 more class to go
before the day end

*puasa*
*beli buku Pro E*
*my confidante IS NOT A HUMAN BEING, I AM NOT READY YET TO GIVE MY TRUST TO SOMEONE, so jgn la salah sangka*

i love and like you because you are mean
( but that is not what i mean )

wink*wink*wink

- my word to my confidante -

allrite
miss my journal last nite
got back at middlebrook around 1.15 am
party animal ( ahaks ! )

actually
me, nick, katie, heather, josh, craig, sari and her boyfriend
jess, ian and jacilyn...
we all went to the skating rink on washington ave
we left at almost 9
and i skate
better than last time in virginia...hehe
and we split off
some went to coffee
some went home like me!

alhamdulillah la
i was done for my paryer before we left
be'cos went i got back
i got really tired and went straight to sleep
after eating some chips

did i tell you i got stomach ache last nite?
zaza did not cook the expected nasi himpit and sambal kacang
she got heachache
and so we cook laksa instead
yum yum yum
but it was too hot
and i pretedn that i did not remember my
stomach sensitivity to hot food
and so
i was fighting
before i went to bed last nite

anyway
at any rate ( favourite words of Prof Urheim )
i am waiting for my laundry
and planning to be tied up at my desk
till like 2.30 so that i can go to work

*aaa....what if i...... ?, you don't wanna know...*

i am supposed to study tonite
but margaret came to my room
and ask me to her room

i felt guilty
because i didi not pay her
any visit at all
since a week a go
so, i went up there
in the middle of my DE hw

anyway
we end up going to barbara center of dancing
watching some jazz performance in dance
it was interesting
the last time i saw a live performance was with
mr haki class in PPP
it was afdlin shauki , a musical theather

me, sara, emily, margaret and laura
went there
and came back practicing some dancing
in the 12th floor lounge

and they wanted me to show some silat
it has been 2 years since i touch that
so they tried to attack me in all sides
turn that i can still manage to defense myself

i got this offer teaching silat at
one martial arts center
but i don't have the right resources
so i am not so sure
maybe after i went to back to M'sia
pick up some things

i miss silat
the discipline
the hardwork
the sparring
( nadia was my sparring partner )

i realized one more thing about myself
i feel awkward going out with guys
i feel more freedom going out with girls

b'cos when paul ask me to dine with him today
i feel totally " oh my god"
i find it hard for me to get along with boy
in the few first time
dunno why

never mind
i got my girls around now!

*azlina, where are you?*

aaaa..
at last
manage to speak to someone
i have never met in my life

yet
she intrigue me to have this blog
and learn html tags
and inspire me to become
a better person?

and she is not what i expeected
so soft spoken
alhai...comel jer..
and sweet..
if not that time is lunchtime

i will be on the phone
more than 2 hours
trust me

and shazlan is angry with me?
sorry la wei
tak niat nak buat hang merajuk

and mana pegi lina this week?

so frustrated
i was reading matrices last nite
and second order linear differential equations came out
hate it!

met mr yeeleng
over mocha
neat

7 days counting down before retreat
dunno what to expect
a loads of homework
have not finish disecting my VHS

should go out and get noodles,
tissue paper
and writing pad
but don't want to
unless soembory is driving
is fucking damn, freaking cold out there!!!

*is it just me or all the math courses hate me now?*

i studied it every nite
but still can't answer all teh quiz very well
( 2 quiz now )
why?

i got my homework back
full mark

but with different questions
i seems like can't figure it out
why?