feel like sleeping all day long
i had 2 long days
and one more to go
today!
then i am done for the week

as thursday i got only one class from 9-10
then i can sleep
sleep
sleep

i don't care about food
i don't care about entertainment
give me back my sleep!!
( cam rugrats " gimme back my ball! )

handed in all ME assignments
which drove me crazy last nite
drawing here
drawing there
kind of like it
but got neckache
arghhhh

today is busy day
mail some letters ( bills)
3 classes
and leaderquest discussion till like 9 pm

tomorrow DE quiz
DE homework due
and sleeping day!!!

tried calling sera yesterday
before going to bed
exactly 30 mins before she wrote her journal
and every 15 minutes befroe that
heheheheh

everytime bunyi telefon
hati nie berdebar2 la pulak
macam mana nie?

*call you tomorrow*

Quote of the day: I have never thought of being anything less than great

tetiba
this is songs is playing in my mind

ku meniti di atas pelangi
hanya kiter berdua
mnikmati nikmat cinta
yg suci yg ....

demi cinta ku pada mu
...............................

pesal aa?

talked to azlina yesterday
about singles and doubles
( sorry, i just can't stop myself from bumping into this topic )

teringat when we stop for dinner
after skiing
someone was telling me
"jealous tengok you single"
ahaks
ye ker?
ker tak?
ker yer?
hahhahahhaha

aku jer tahu jawapan utk soalan ituh
takder jawapan pun sebenarnyer

-------------------------------------------------------------------

cerita lain

this morning was the first time
i left room 323 before Kyoung Rae did
oh well

she was asking some questions
regarding Islam and my Hijab
and my telekung
and solat

then she asked at what time
did i got back to my room last nite
( i was in the computer lab finishing my ME )
and i said , i really can't remember
then she said

" you are so hyperactive"
( apsal kepala lan sama ngan kepala roommate ed? )
hahahahhahahahhaha
another joke of the day
then she said

"i think i have change a lot now"
" i was also like that once"
" healthy and young"

she make my day!

i was trying to use a unix machine just now
trying to get my assignment printed out
but i think there was no msword in that machine
or i am the one who seems to can't open the document

i am new with unix
i just got to know unix about a week ago
and the computers for institute of technology
are 3 different kinds of machine
IBM, MAC and Unix

since i got one programming class
i got to use unix
and i think i like it
it is simpler
but takes more memorizing
for all those commands

and the font size for Netscape
is smaller than in IBM
interesting machine
unix that is

i am beginning to lost my mood
i am becoming a straight line mode mood
i am ...............

i am losing motivation
i am losing my inspiration
i am stuck in a blank, white
unlimited space
no borders
no limit anywhere

calling for words from anyone reading this
pls, sign the sign here!

*blank, blurrr, blank...blurrr*

this is a copy of my email to my best friend in purdue univ

to:xxxxx@purdue.edu
from:xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
time: 1.21 central time GMT 8.00

assalamulaikum wbh

relaksla, tadernyer u jatuh taraf tak baik biler u takder time i call you. anyway, i pun tak tunaikan janji sbb masa i call you tuh dah kul 11 pm i think, ur time. i just woke up sbb penat sgt main ski..and fell asleep lepas balik keje kul tujuh tuh..

but then , i was already ten masa i buka mata..hahha paham2 jer la...
my roommate was in the shower, and i igt sementara tuh nak call you, end up you takder...

letak jer gagang, phone tuh bunyik lagik..chrome call, aper lagik tgh ader mood nak sembang, abih mamat tuh ed kerjakan sampai kul 1 pagi washington, terlupa plak mamat tuh keje bukan belajo lagik, ekekeke...

then, i masuk toilet..salin baju, solat isya'..study2..study2..sampai kul 2.00 pagi, gatal lagik nak kacau org, so call shazlan, sbb i tahu bedtime dia kul 4 pagik..hahahahha..gayut dlm 45 minutes, hang out, sbb i dah ngantuk.

pagi tadik bangun kul 8.00...siap2, sampai tertido2 utk kesekian kalinyer, gi la klas kul 9.45 for klas 10.10..klas DE tuh mmg, lewat sket jer tader tpt duduk, menyampah i...

10 pm tonite sounds good, i keje till like 7.00 pm, so time you call will be 9 pm my time la kan?


my new phone number - 612-301-****
my new address - ***, middlebrook hall
412, 22nd ave S
Minneapolis MN 55455

nadhra

anas explantion about seawaves is very interesting
but what happen when i went skiing?
even when i stepped on my bed last nite
i still feel as if that big ski boots were on my feet
maybe because i wore them for more than 5 hours yesterday

i woke this morning
feeling a little bit sore at my biceps and triceps
the muscles on my femur are fine
propably beacause of my wotk out on last thursday
( haha, new year resolution )
my ankles feel very " light"
as if i can walk faster than my usual rate

lega biler baca journal sera about handal
i cannot call you till like sometimes on thu
since i got nite classes
and meetings
on mon and tue and wed

and lina sound sleepy when i called her this morning
should have called her last nite
but i was too tired
she's going to the movie this afternoon

i told my dad about my roommate
kyoung rae
he said: you should learn how to behave like a lady-like like her! "
hahahahhahahahahha

kyoung rae left around 7 this morning
to the library i think
she got lots of reading to do

and i got loads of homework to do too!
*what happen to ....?*

just got back from skiing
(sorry axxurrie, i have not tried snow boarding yet)
and skiing is fun and i like it

it all happen when last niet i was so busy deciding
which outing should i go to
halaqah, skating, or skiing
with laila, with Nick, gretta and paul or with bunch of mesian guys

i called the two other parties, and canceled my participants
and decided going skiing
i never tried it before
and so i love every moment of it

i went to breakfast
at 8.30
when i came back, zaki was there waiting for me at the lobby
so got upstairs and get my stuff
and get the other guys
10 guys and i am the only girl

skiing feels like
when i was small
we used to get boxes from stores
and flattened them
and slide fown the hill on the playground
it feels the same
except that it is more freer as we are standing

and you fell more than when you are on the "kotak"

i started at the beginners slope
where it is not so steep
and fell about 2-3 times
then went up and down again
about 3 more times
( you go up the hill using the cable car)

take a break
solat zuhur, ate
aolat asar
and continue skiing
this time at the intermediate level
and i did not make it well
hahaahhah,
i had to walk back all the way down hill
because i thought i could not make it

well,
then i was back at the "nursery'
as azizi called it
where the beginners learn
and ski up and down about 20 times
before dusk

and most of the boys were snow borading
i'd like to try that next time

my knee is aching
and my hand aches too
i almot broke my hand
and got cramps a few time
when i was up on my ski
it was cool

i dont wanna quit
but we have to go home
because it was already dark
and solat maghrib
and eat ( the guys only )
then off we went home

my foot still feel as i if i had my ski boots still
heavy and big
like when you swim in the seashore
when you finished
you still feel as if you are in the water
weirdly,
that does not apply when you are in a swimming pool
correct me if i am wrong :)

need hot shower
good sleep
and need to talk to meine beste freundinnen :)

*lovelife*

i never mention anything about my newlife
have i?
since i left 12 th floor

my phone number is increasingly demanding
hahahahhaha
even the MARA office called aza up to get my new number
the receptionist in the front desk of middlebrook told me
" few people just called asking for your number"
hahahahha
popular girl...
and just now
i have to memorized my number
actually
i have not yet have the time to memorize my new add
or my new number
it will take a few months before i can fully adjust
to my new home

my roommate's name is Kyung Rae
she is 29 yrs old
doing PhD in public health
she is from Korea
( she made me listen to Hoduku, a music groups from Korea )

she is single
( not so sure if she is available though! )
she is a follower of Supreme Master Ching Hai
a meditation group

we talked about life yesterday
she said
" i watch you and i understand you, cause i was once like that too"
" there will be times in life you think you have "grown",
once when you turn 20's, 30's and 40's..i am not so sure what happen next"
nice slow talk about life

i miss that

*carik lan kat msn, dan sangka dia taruk status offline ( sangka buruk la, dia nak lari dari adik nakal dia nie), skali terigt, eh, ari nie ari jumaat, dia pi semayang jumaat, eh ehe, malu saya! *..maap lan yek...

i'm full!
just ate lunch
from the somalian restaurant
and yes, i went there all alone
( somalians have this freaky thing, whenever you go to their restaurant,
if you are a women, you will be "look" at weirdly )

while waiting for the food to be digested
before i started studying
i came here to check my mails
for the day

and hotmail is down!
okay
still trying
and made it !!!

yes
yes
yes
( like herbal essences advert )

*if my mentor, mr yeeleng is reading this, pls do not hesitate to click on the guestbook and write something*

allrite
i'm free tomorrow
only one class
and then
I AM FREEE

so planning to eat out
at the Halal restaurant nearby
with zaza or whateva

got DE quiz tomorrow
fun at ME class today
we build towers ( again )
and disected floppy disk

a really interesting class
no exam
no quizes
just projects
and robots
interesting

and i'm free now
till monday starts again!

*propably going skiing this saturday or sunday*

happy
happy
despite aper jadik mlm tadik
hahahhahaha
popular ed in my 12th floor

well
i am no more there
but i found a cozy place
room 323
and my roommate is a PhD student from Korea
PhD in public health
10 years older than i am!
hahahhahahhahahah

happy because
1. no DE quiz
2. managed to solve both programming problem c++ in lab
( can open a cash register after this! )
3. listening to joget puteri in erafm ( favourite!! )

budak nakal
if you are reading this
you make my day!
( lagi best jadi kawan than other things, so, propably, i am over it! )

*after this i got one more class to go, then i am done!*

hari nie kiter tulis melayu

ari nie yg best:
1. dlm klas intro to ME,
kieotrang bina tower dlm klas.
kira cam klas motivasi plak.
saper paling tinggi dpt coklat m&m....
bukan la happy
sbb tower ed, mark and jason yg paling tinggi,
tapi sbb dia mention pasal highest tower in the world...
and jeng jeng jeng,
PETRONAS TOWER..
dia citer pasal structure, wind, stuffness,
aaa paling amazing,
dianyer floating structure dlm tanah..
BANGGANYER..hahhaa. walaupun bukan ed yg bina

but i have met the chief engineer of KLCC masa kat mesia dulu
jumpa masa MACEE buat taklimat sblm fly

2. ari nie panas
lebih dari 20 f
best giler

3.demam dah kebah
ha..best2

4. dpt makan

5. dpt belajo and duduk dlm sumer klas
yg selalunyer penuh

*tamau tulis yg tak best pasal ari nie, sbb dah insap!*

i am working today
and zaza and noris
are having people coming over to their house
aaa...miss abg rijal and kak jali
the married couple who helped us when we come over here
miss hendra and amira
their two youngsters, 7 & 5 years old

so
i can't see them till i got back
and eat the food
( hey, i helped them prepared the salad! )

aaa....
a while a go
lina called
she was worried about me
getting up set
"on a way to sucidal thoughts"
that her words

hehehe
no matter how frustrated life can be
i can never hurt
ever hurt
this body
lended my Allah the Al mighty
this is a trust
it is not mine

so
just have to bear with this trust
till the day He called it back
remember, it is not mine
so i can't do it as i want to!
( in sense of hurting it )

soul
is that mine?
*me and my comp and my feeling, biler sayang nak baca buku?*

today
i woke up at 2.00 pm
no joke
headache and fever
aarghhh
i should have not taken that echanichea
given by margaret last nite
that thing rebooted my immune system
causing the the fever to run up higher and higher

anyway
about three
did my laundry
and the dryer machine buat hal
hate it!!!

at 5.15 left middlebrook to rafique's house
meeting for persisma spring semester

then went here
awin's house
( bukan awin kak zira! )
ate nasik ayam
and now waiting for Mad Tv to be over
before leaving for my old house

read school magazine's
of fathi's and pyan's and zulhusni
( the new junior )

reminded me of things
that i should have not remember!

* i am not, repeat not upset!!*

lepas tido tadik
bukak honeybiru sera
masuk archive
baca dari 1999 sampai 2001
tak sangka life ni benar2 lain antara satu sama lain

waktu ed memula masuk ppp
sera mula menulis jenal dia
masa tuh life pun ader byk krisis
tapi takder ler sebyk dan setabah sera

masa kat ppp
3 bulan pertama sgt tak menyeronokkan
sbb dari KISAS
utk program atu2 tuh
cuma ed sorang jer
tak kenal sorang pun budak ATU2
kecuali hawa ngan suria sbb sama2 duk bangi

pastuh
roommate pulak komplen
memula baik ngan aida ( kawan lina kat purdue skang)
skali dia decide nak duk umah
sbb dia duk shah alam
and buleh bapak dia anta ari2
maka tinggal la 5 otg yg bilik 412, blok 12 tuh

so, dlm 5 org tuh
sumer budak MRSM
2 budak PC
satu jasin
satu taiping
kecuali ed

skali
satu masa tuh
ke mana2 sorang2 jer
pastuh, budak 4 org lagik tuh
hantar sorang wakil
come to slow talk to me
derang kater

ko nih berlagak la ed
jgn la riak2
tahu la kiterang ni budak kampung ko budak bandar

dan aku terus terpinga2
sedih
sbb aku keseorangan
giler sedih
mlm tuh
tak tahu nak pegi mana
balik bilik
rasa cam kene pulau giler2
sedih sgt

tapi di sbbkan impian
dan cabaran org
dan cita2
aku stay gak kat PPP tuh
skalipun rasanya sumer org tak suka aku
termasuk la Sha yg duk kat bilik 512 tuh

sumer org kater aku tak considerate
tak jaga hati org
lonely giler masa tuh
tak tahu nak ngadu kat saper
tak igt cakap ngan mak ker tak lepas tuh
tapi tu bukan pertama kali kene pulau ngan member2 girls la
ngan budak laki blum penah lagik, apsal ntah

dah baper puluh kali dah
sampai skang serik dah bermesra ngan org
sbb org tak suka ed, kan ed kan? bermasalah betul ko ni

masa baik ngan lina
semester fall kat ppp tuh dah nak abis
baik pun masa gi BTN
sbb lina lembut orgnyer
senang jer kiterang jadik belangkas

tapi dah terlambat
masa tuh dah apply U
takleh masuk U sama

Lan pulak mmg dah ader dlm my life kat PPP
since summer 1999
sbb kalo HEP kasik projek utk ATUSA
kiterang jer yg suka buat keje2 ngarut yg HEP kasik tuh
ntah aper2 ntah

skang
aku mula mengambil langkah berjaga2
jgnbaik ngan org
kalo org tuh takmo baik ngan kiter
lari dari sumer org
duk sorang2
aku pun suka camnie
tak nyusahkan org
takyah ader org risau2
how i behave
blah blah bla
sihat ker mati ker idup ker
aku punya pasal la!!!

cam sera
aku pun duk wonder
bila la life ni nak ceria
berenti risau pasal
academic
kawan2
idup nie pegi mana sebarnyer?
asyik2 sedih2 jer

bila la buleh gelak hari2
ngan ikhlas
ngan best
lupa sumer problem
takyah risau2
pasal aper2 pun
kan best kan?

lan selalu marah ed
dia cakap
stop la pandang life ko tak best
cuba bayangkan yg best2 jer

soalan: aper yg best dlm idup aku?
aku pun tak tahu
asyik bermasalah jer
nak pegi mana lepas ni pun tak tahu
aper la ed...

*smile. pls*

demam la plak
feet cold
heavy head
arghhh...

today temp was so damn cold
morning: 0 f
late afternoon: 3 f
it make my body shake!
and fever pays a visit

*layla asked me out for halaqah at the islamic center tomorrow, hopefully i'll recover by then*

okay
seen my pics?
found rahayu?
the chinese girl who wear spectacles
ha..that one la

my day began as "bad" as yesterday
i miss breakfast
and now hungry like a bear
we are going to the somalian restaurant today
sometimes at four
which is about 3 hours from now

i am in my working place now
the library
both supervisors are out for lunch

today
i need to get
my transcript for MARA
aza, the penghuluwati of MARA students in minnesota
will be collecting them today
i will be going to her work place after i finished working and got my transcript
she works as a cashier in the rec center
where all the girls here used to work at
including me

set up my own voicemail last nite
cool huh?

*finish DE hw, read WOST, read c++, find ME book*

care to share some pictures of mine?
klik here

i woke up at 5.45 am due to sudden shudder of pain somewhere on my waist
i got cramps due to my period
and i cannot sleep for the next an hour an a half dut to the pain
unfortunately, i do not have any kind of pain killer
aaaaaa..pain here and there

anwyay
i managed to sleep after 6 am
till 8.30
and off i went for my DE class
still
there is pain

i hate my period
when it is painful
last few weeks
i saw and add for a birth control pill
that helps to lighten women/s menstrual cycle
i was thinking of using it
but
like tampon
i think it does have a lot of side effects
what do you guys doctors think?

if i am going to take that pill
there is two things i need to confirm
one: am i for sure is getting married to someone who would love to have kids?
two: can i stop my menstrual cycle all at once?before the natural one comes

sometimes
i think
if i don't have my period
it would be more convinient
like i can pray as much as i can
i can fast all month on Ramadhan
and i don't have to make up any fasting days!
isn't it great?

but
on the other hand
it is fun i think
to contribute in producing more progeny
for homo sapiens
there is a satisfcation
of having some kind of part of contribution
when they annouced the population of the world
hey, i add up 5 more to that!
hehehehheheheheh

i need to think more about this!
* me and me and me and me, yesterday my mentor remind me, that THIS IS MY LIFE, I TAKE CHARGE OF IT!*

something to share

allrite
just got back from leaderquest opening
i was assing to this guy from campus involvement center as my mentor
he's from laos
yee ling
( hope if he is reading this, i got ur name spelled rite! )

kay
i dunno how to start my school semester
i have some assignments from women studies class
and i can't really do anything for math and c++
math: i have not gotten my syllybus yet, so i dunno the homework
c++: the question in class today was, what is a computer?
( and how am i suppose to answer that wihtout any lecture but a video? )

kay
promise ed
u will read chapter 1.1-1.2 DE
u will read chapter 1 c++
u will read given articles for women studies, and write some comments
what is the other class i am taking?
aaaa
solve ME assignments on email before monday

that's i my goal when i leave this computer!

*...................................*

hate these things!!!
the printer for this lab is jammed
the first man in united states saw me without my hijab and a short sleeve shirt
( i forgot to tell my roommate to announce if any boy is coming to our room )
and i cannot stay in my room because there is a boy
and i am here to print out my course syllybus
but the printer is not working
damn it!

and at 4.45
i am gonna meet zaza at IT lab
then go to gym
and at 6.00
attend the opening ceremony of leaderquest

later!

here i am in middlebrook hall computer lab
just got back from Women studies class
ahaks..any comment on this?

this US creepy system of education
one has to fullfill certain requirement before graduating
history, CPE, social sciences, blah blah, yada2
and so, patutnyer
amik klas reading short stories
but since that class was so popular
it was full on the 3rd day of registration
they even have to add up 2 more sections for that class
and i still can't fit that inot my schedule

kay
now that i realized something
i am all alone
the next time i came home from school
all my feelings will be blown here
into the blog

this women study class
gonna have 2 major papers
and every week responses on an article
and this class was also in high demand

the thing is
i miss seeing girls in my classes
and this women studies
help me to see more girls in school
aaaaa....finally!

kay
tomorrow ader opening leaderquest
and i am gonna dress grand
as grande as i was in DC
hehhehe..do not worry
no Melayuian gonna se me!

*regret that i am not prepared to go to school*

here i am again
aaa...miss the first class today
my body clock still is not adjust
according to school time yet
i slept at 4 am last nite

why is it so hard to sleep??
is it because i have not exercise myself to sleep early last week?
i need to practice this week then!

yesterday, after my floor meeting at 9.30
i went back to my old apartment
ate pizza
help the two girls to unpack
and i tried sleeping early
but i can't

aaaaaa
need to go to boynton regarding
the stuck plinter of wood beneath my skin
on my hand!

ah ah ah
morning world!
woke up at 8.50
dining hall closed at 9.00
no school day
martin luther king's b'day today

( remember anything about racism? )
and i feel head ache a little bit
last nite

i cannot sleep
chat with ika
lan
and sera ( melalui email )..hihihi

then dc at 2 am
( i used my roommate computer
she went out
still frustrated with her broke up incident last break
and she came back at 2

then i asked her for some crackers and frapuccino
then i wrote her a check
cos i was so HUNGRY
after i ate
the throwing out incident was gone

i wandered around the floor with a bottle of coffe on my right hand
and crackers on the other
till i got to the lounge
and read some stuff around
got floor meeting tonite at 9

someone came to the vending machine
and asked
"would you like to watch cruel intention?"
since i never watch that yet
i followed her to her room
there was another 2 girls in there

i wacthed that movie
( good god!, that sebastian was so, so , so the right kind of guy to be seductive! )
and came back to my room at 4....
and that is why i woke up late

i wonder at what time noris and zaza would be back
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

okay
i miss 2 entree
both of them are in the computer at home
the slow romantic computer with the speed of 350 mhz
but still sucks!

anyway
here i am finally
in my new dorm!
my roommate seems cool so far
and i had not tasted the food yet
maybe tomorrow morning
wish me luck here

this afternoon just got back from luncheon
at laila's house
the new converted girl from latvia
she married a pakistani
but her husband is not here

but
since that eating session
i keep feeling of throwing out
and i am not pregnant
because i never had sex with anyone
so,
i wonder why is my stomach sick
maybe because
i ate really late yesterday
or the combination of food i had yesterday was poisonous
i dunno

or maybe when i sprayed raid yesterday
in the kitchen to get rid of the ants
some of those pesticides got onto my food
and my body is trying to get rid of it
which is why i keep feeling like this

the funny thing was
whenever i realy threw out
all came out was a bunch of white
sticky, liquid
that look like salive
and not ast sticky as a "kahak"
but just simply plain white and bubbles!

( do not read this while u are eating or about to eat! )
or is it too late?
mad me!

*miss the familiarity, miss the things that i am used to, but it is time to move on, or did i make the wrong choice?*

and today
went to look at my future residence
or at least for the next one semester
my name is already on the door
written by my roomate i guess

i am really now
looking fwd to live in there
and experience something new

so today
i need to throw the unneeded clothes
and send them to goodwill
and clean up my "column"
of the house
pack up some books
and off i go!

wish me luck
in the world of the unknown!

i dunno what i'm thinking
dunno where i'm leaving for
i guess the takut part came from
some place i used to call "myself"

i used to be strong
keeping in mind
one day all this suffering will be over
thinking that the happy ending is there
waiting for me to come

i used to think of good things
like having no " heavy defined " problems
and smiling all day long
stopped crying and hell i hate that

i used to smile
and not complain
hoping that the true smile will come up
on it's way of pretending

here i am
not so sure what to do
or what to decide
to conform or to hang in there
and always keep that cute face
( sera tuh comel jer ed tgk! )
and that fancy smile

yesterday
i decided to keep up the good attidude
and smile

today
she came again
and hope
and i almost cried
and lost that faith
that i can survive

feel like i've been here
ups and down of the adrenalin

after this is over
i'll be happy go lucky
all over again!

here i am
third day ( i think ) in baltimore still
here in ayu's senior apartment
just got back from abg badrul & kak zila's house
( reminds me of ziela isa, arizona )
and their little cute daughter nadira!
hehehehe
tired,
tomorrow leaving for DC
for white house and dulles
hahaha
finally, going home
best!!
this is for udika
eh, apsal ika cuti?...ed nak tulih email, or reply kat GB but, kat umah org kan
susah la sket..hihihihi, anyway, seriuously, saper2 yg ader gambo anas or sera ( esp anas )
and norzie, don not get me wrong here!!!, till then, fellow e-friends!
okay, it's already 12.05 pm
need to go to sleep
and pray maghrib and isya'
jeles ngan anas
dah abis posa enam
jeles ngan zira
sbb raya dgn sangat best
jeles ngan sera
sbb dpt jumpa member online ( kak aquil ,kan? )
and last but not least, where are these people?
mat jan, maelx, aaa..cik daun and karamona
( maybe derang ader, ed tak tgk :) )
and, cik daun, do you mind emailing me ur url, nak add links, aaa
cik karamona, wait aa, till i get back !
sat, what happen to axxurrie?
and manmoncang yg nak tulih berjela2 dlm my GB?
and to idzwan, nak CD free!! ( i'll pay la..;) )
roger and sleep!

(start writing again after 2 days got back to minneapolis)

arriving nite

rasa sedih leaving DC
sedih sbb kene tinggalkan Nany
yg stay kat DC untill wednesday

sedih sbb berpisah ngan Chrome
a.k.a en najib, pegawai mara yg disangka
lelaki berumur, anak lima yg miang!
walaupun sebenarnyer,
seorang graduan iowa state
chemical engineering
yg baru grad 2 tahun lepas
and just masuk 25 last jan 4th
malunyer!!!

sedih sbb tgk nik nur aida
left dulles ( IAD ) for wisc
rindu aaa...
sedih sbb tinggalkan ayu
kat baltimore
utk skolah kat john hopkins

anwyay.
life goes on
jgn rasa sedih ed

call Mak as soon as i arrived,
call Lina lepas tuh,
call Lan jugak,
sekejap jer :)

morning after arrival

blurrrr!!!!
so, memulakan hari ngan phone call with shazlan
pastuh, tido sampai kul 1
tgk result fall 2000
chat
check email
solat zuhur
mandi
solat asar

masak
tgk TV
makan

gayut lagik ngan Lan

go groceries ngan kak zie ngan abg ghazali
jumpa kak fazreena ( dia duk centennial hall )
suara dia lembut wooo

balik
baca buku cerita
the mists of avalon
pinjam dari ms petersons
sket jer lagik

pastuh,
gayut lagik ngan Lan

( sah2 la ed mati kebuhsanan, nak call Lina, dia suh tunggu dulu, dia jet lag, and ari nie dia skolah ari pertama, so maleh nak kacau, hihihi, seronok lina makan KFC yg di bawa dari mesia )

second day ( monday, today )

kul 6 pagi
airport call,
kater luggage will be send today
around 8-1 pm
so takleh kuar umah

call pejabat math
tanya apsal grade calculus three tader atas transcript
rupanya ader masalah registration
kene la call 2 pejabat lain
and pegi skolah utk settlekan kul satu

gi kedai buku
develop photo
2 roll
kenangan di DC

beli buku skolah
abis duit $140
tapi ader 2 lagik buku tak sampai lagik
buku ME

pegi pejabat pos
collect hold mails
mak aii, sebundle!
tak larat bawak balik

parcel mak kim dah sampai
dari michigan
fullamak
sampai 6 tudung
3 baju raya!
akan sampai lagik sepasang
bersama2 noris
jan 15 nie

dasat tak?
nak pakai tak buleh
sbb sejuk sgt
kene la melaram dlm umah
heheh

pastuh
berita paling tragis sampai
ed dpt masuk dorm
kat westbank
and dpt roomate org putih
org washington rasa ( kebetulan ker ? )
ker org new york
berdasarkan area code dia la..

aper2 la..

tgh takut nie
byk sgt resolution baru spring nie

duduk on campus
leaderquest program
global studies
amik pelajaran ME

hmm..takut tak buleh cope
takut tak buleh jadik strong
takut!!!!!

selama nie
masa buat decision
tak pikir panjang
igtkan buleh lari lagi dari masalah

bukan kali nie kot
aaaa...camner nie?
akan berjaya kah aku?

atau akan kecundang kah aku?
if only life comes with a solution manual
where there is answer to every questions
or at least alternative approach to solve everyday problem
i would not be as scared as this

i am scared
for taking all the responsibilities
over all the decisions i have made

help, to comfort me,
please
courage words would be really appreciated

here i am in baltimore
prassad's house ( ayu's senior )
MSA of hopkins president
way too warm in here

warm!!!!
believe me, minesotans and wisconsinians can't stand this
warm!!!!!

and he actually gave us the heater to warm up
and my face is blushing of warmth
hot and warm!

whateva
aaaa...the result has came out online
and i am not checking it out
way to coward for it
hate it

when i remember my reaction last spring
on spring semester
checking my result at uncle's noris house
during summer break

and here i am suddenly
every single memory
came into my mind

i remember when i was
in PPP

when i first came to PPP
my roomates hate me
( worst word used )
they don't like me
because i am very OPEN

hahahaha
so aida were the one chosen came to talk to me
and sounded me and make me feel
LIKE A COMPRESSED DISK, THROWN IN THE LONGKANG!
dirt, dirt, dirt

and here goes down my self esteem again
and that is not the first time

i am used to being the pressed CD
feel worthless and useless

sometimes even wonder why am i here
why me chosen to be me?
why not someone else?
aaaaaaaa..(do not help me to understand this )
nor answer this

when we arrived from the train station
ayu's 6 foot three and this person's came to pick us up

and believe it or not
the 6' 3" is driving a mercedes!!!!!
erkk..tetiba rasa cam nak shrink
tak belong there
too worthless to be there
( jgn la kahwin ngan org tak sekelas )
hahahhaha ( tak funny ! )

okie dokiely

later!

ha..watch miss congeniality yesterday
on new year's eve
with nany and chrome ( en najib MARA )
best giler
inspiring, utk jadik women yg strong
and don't have to pretend, to be others

and today
genap setahun
i'm here
my plane left malaysia, 8.00 am
january 1 2000
hmm... 3 years more to go

ha...saper buleh ajar, camner nak kecikkan frame yg ader journal nie?
tak reti la..