my friends

is it just me
needed to mend
the past relationship?

is it just me
who has to mail
and write
and find
all of you guys life?

sometimes
i don't understand
how the world works
is it always one sided?
or one face
at all time?

hmm...
maybe I should understand
that some people
changed over time
need some break from me
or just taking their own sweet time to think
and reply!

ice skating rink in fairfax, virginia
not as bad as skating first time in sunway pyramid
the burned sunway pyramid

aa...nany, ayu, sasha
teachers and guiders
Boy, segan with me

hehehehehe,
i can't easily get along with guys/man
for the first time
it takes time
to build the rapport

anyway, i skated
fell twice
and came out
as healthy as i came in,

but this morning
i had sore throat,
since ayu got her flu and cold
yesterday

i think i got affected by the same virus
and should go to visit CVS
before leaving for white house
formal tour
and smithsonian
and NASA museum
and planet holywood dinner
( plan jer tuh sumer )

p/s
journal is the best way to keep a homepage , because it is addictive!

yehaaa..

alhamdulillah

first day of eid went well
crazy of ketupat,
kuah kacang, rendang, lemang,
semua ada!

not forgetting,
nasi minyak
ayam masak merah,
my favourite

aaa...too many people
azrin pun ader, heee
(lina jgn marah)

and tarmizi, adik aisyah
budak bangi
lega to see familiar faces again
he's in vanderbuilt univ
taking mech e

and, tonite
went to get lina's leather glove
and my own stove pipe
jersey pants, heeee
( i know, i shop too much here ..)

and again, GAP, express, and feline's basement

miss *, heee

shopping after christmas, cheap
shopping all day long
spend as much as i never had

less than what i gain for a week
that is for sure

old navy, new york jeans
gap, claires, rug 21

i have so much to wear when i came back
to minneapolis
where the temperature is like -41 f
and alone and alone

aaa...do i have enough space in my bag when i aboard the flight?
new bag? yeah

new small bag, esprit, to carry telekung around
heheheh

dark purple,
small esprit

haircut
and nany asked about my hair cut ( last summer la )
because she never seen it yet
and ask " gi salon ker utk gunting rambut?"
hehhehe

ader ker, kalo lawa takper,
nie rupa cam ugly ducklings, takper la
gunting rambut kat umah jer la

i had noris cut the back hair, layered
just the way i like it!

and i cut the front hair,
bertingkat2 gaks,
so that when they grow long,'
the became curly! and not straight

in this dry weather,
my curly hair easily became straight

and i dislike that
even when it is short
(more over when it is long! )

so, now waiting for it to grow long again!
just like last winter
( need that to recover from the cold )

ayu
she is twin ( THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY! )
hmm.. really , i dunno
way, different!

she's pretty
she's intelligent
she's adorable

( nak tgk picture ?, i will scan it later , depending on request , :) )

she studies at john hopkins university, biomedial engineering

p/s nany got off from the phone, calling hari raya, morning kat mesia..

yeah yeah yeah

that naughty boy is making me smile again first thing in the morning
have a nice day! huh!

today, over slept again
planning to go to mall area again

where washington monument is
white house is
lincoln memorial is
FBI headquaters is
aaaa..what else? need the tourist flyer to write this

nevermind, i'll be taking pictures and post it here

showered, eat ( women excuses !)
dancing fingers on the keyboard
read emails,

waitint for everyone to get dressed for today's walk

p/s azlina's leather gloves!

have found my lugagge
yea yea yea

dying to have my favourite khakis, silvertab levi's back!

and my wool sweaters, where its warm and cozy though washington is not much cold as minne

miss my bed and favourite bantal at home!

here i am
bored, everybody has fallen assleep except me and ayu

it has been a while since i read sera's , kak zira's and anas's journal
and today, i visit them all
everybody is in raya mode

and i lost my lugagge
and not feel worried AT ALL

i'm lonely
confused
PMS ( maybe )

it has been a year
since the last guy i admired
left my physical, real life ( he is not dead, just away )

and if you are reading this, forget what i've said
i'ts not over yet!
my blues that is,
here i am regretting what i have wish
for my life, and other people's sake

i, have , asked for the most impossiblest thing to happen
but at the same time

i, prayed that the miracle won't happen
it will be too much to ask for
furthermore, i don't think i can take what i wished for,

but i believe i can take the pain that i've been praying for
uwa, uwa, uwa

that is so me,
so really , nature me,
pain is like a drug
bitter but addictive
to me that is

and rite now
how i wish
mankind are created such that
they don't long for this stupid, fool, feeling
just to continue mankind survival

in this earthly,lonely, cold place!

just me
in blues

Journal for traveling day one


We left Minneapolis at 3.07pm instead of 1.41 pm as promised by the ticket given by US airways. Anyway, the problems continue when the connecting flight was canceled and we were transferred on another airlines, united airlines. We managed to get to DC later 2 hours than expected, but the changed of the flight cause us an even more complicated problem : losing our baggage!

Oh, well here I am in Malaysian student department in 18th st and pi st, complaining abouyt my trip. Can ‘t really blame anyone because I saw many more unclaimed luggage yesterday, meaning that there are more people out there in thus holiday season ( mind you Christmas in on Monday )

Last nite was cool, I have not have my longest sleep in a while, and I had my more than 12 hours sleep this morning, that’s the best remedy now, for current problems!

Later!

allrite!!!, finally my finals are over!!!! yea yea yea, back slap on my back for my own succes, geting myself alive trough my second semester here!!.....

oh, well....here comes my vacation!..and zaza and noris had left for malaysia this morning, before i had my final paper, and when i had my sahur for today.

so, after aem exam today, i head for Target, geeting some of my winter things, some baby oils and legings and shirts.

hmm...tomorrow my flight will be at 1.41 pm. shasha, my companion, her landlady is willing to send us to the aiport. but i need to withdraw some cash before heading to the airport. it's my fault yesterday, when i already had some cash after i sold my textbooks ( including that evil edward and penny! ), i saved my cash to my saving accounts at the TCF.

laundry washing, kitchen clean up, packing things, call up few people before i left, and make sure the house is safe to be left and clean is the list of things i'll be doing tonite.

and so, selamat hari raya and hapy holidays, see you next year!

and today, my guestbook still has some/few entries of which i pelik cos you can't access my blog and still reach my guestbook, nv!

went to post office, block and hold all mails during vacation period ( this friday till january 6 )
get sejadah from office, left it there yesterday

starting to send cards for the second round ( x - mas, raya.. etc )
have not open aem book, exam tomorrow , 1.30-4.30 pm
have not call kak lin to arrange moving things before she go home for good

homesick!!!...miss KLCC, miss Sunway pyramid, miss mom, miss dad, miss home, miss food, miss ketupat, isk isk isk

i have no idea why, but it seems that blogger server is making it's problem again!!!

erkk..huduhnyer frame tepi blog nie!, baru perasan, iskk..malu!!!!!!!!

i'll do anything just to escape from anybody yelling at me. or whining or complaining, not that i don't do it frequently to others, but not as much as i get everyday. yelling, screaming, high pitch voice ( more than 25 decible ) really irritate me , more than smoke from smoking people does.

the reason: those more than 25 dec "noise" makes me feel worthless and not worth living.

example of incident: cooking ihe the kitchen. i was asked to cook my specialty, mamak style fried spaghetti. remember the frog and the bear story?, oh well, i hate to listen the frog screaming around if the duck messed up the kitchen. and so, i have my kitchen towel all the time i was cooking, wiping oils here and there, making sure there will be no spilled left when i finished cooking. and one thought struck my mind: " what happen if the kitchen towel catch the fire from the cooking plate?"

and if the firemen came, asking for the reason of burning the kitchen, the duck would have asnwered "i just want to avoid frog screaming at me after i finished cooking..." ( innocently )...

moral of the story: just because small things, that you don't like andother people get the irritation, it can cause a bid deal to both side, you and the people who live around you!

cooked bubur jagung, first time.
haven't miss any puasa and terawih- hope puasa penuh this year
got my first certificate from the university of minnesota for leaderquest program 2001 - i was selected after last wednesday interview!!
called all candidates telling them whether they got the scholarship or they have to try again
watched mad tv

bought two arcrylic socks ( liz clairbone: nothin' here is not branded)
and some personal stuff, did not found any pants
break fast at subway, ate crab meat subs on oregano parmesan bread, yum yum yum
drank cranberry juice

ate corn porridge
dancing fingers on computer keyboard

realized have not studied physic for ecam on monday,
have not read Urheim email about short circuit

have not review past exams questions on physics

saying good nite and good day to all muslimin and muslimat all over the world not forgetting my chrsitian friends as well,

p/s say ed, stay up till 3 am tonite?

allrte, it's over and we have decided that brian abbot will be coming to USM next year in may...huraayyyy for brian and as for the other four candidate, dont; get dissappointed and try again next year!!!

zaza is solat asar now, witing for her here in blegen hall, we are going shopping! despite the 4 oncjes snow last nite and the blizzard coming, we think we better off at the malls before break fast at four thirty....i really need some proper socks other than cotton because cotton absorbed moisture whereas i would want to keep my moisture to myself rather than to the cotton, and i'm gonna need some real thick pants, other than jeans and khakis and slacks,

enough braging about my shopping list, you guys back home get to shop in pasar malam, and i don't, pity me!

allrite, one paper down, two more to go!!!!...malezx: hei, no mc la, rite now is still friday you know, dec 15 2000...8.50 pm

zulfaa is here helping to evalute those applications for tomorrow's interviews....herkk...finished exam at 4.30 pm, rush to zulfaa's office ( he is a masters student yg gradute last week, skang doing his PhD in aerospace engineering, thus he has his own office aka lab for his research ), went to Somalia restaurants' get some fod for break fast, got home and pray, eat and and now waiting for zulfa to finihs reading those 5 long application essays, why i want to study in malaysia....and those essaya are , to me, amazing full of information with quotes and really some good research.

anyway, thanks to sera a lot, the calculus exam goes , i think, better than i exam 3, not really that hard (not that i don't have anything for on my answer sheet).and i feel better when i realized i already khatam"ed" calculus, and stand the same standard as newton, gauss, green, storkes, and who ever names has been into the nobel prize winner...ekekekek

and now, next semester, DE linear algebra is waiting, another level of higher hirarki of the world of academicians!

p/s monday: see urheim for short circuit explanationn, physics ecam on montag, 6.30-9.30 pm
thursday: aem exam...and FREEE!
p/s2: nak gi shopping ke rtak esok? ader sales nei....hmmm???

this morning we had our review session for physic. oh, well, today is not as cols, about 0 f, rite now it is 8 f. but that is still under 0 c...

i'd like to put up all the websites i visit everyday into my menu here in the blog, but i have no idea how...but this is quite a list

sera ( first inspire to make my own blog)
anas
mat jan, usually, what i do, is, open mat jan's page and access everyone's else page from here, like cik daun, idzwan, elliez, zainal etc, etc
zira yg best
kak max
udika's

allrite, you guys promoted my page, now it's my turn!

why is everybody curious of which girl in the photo is me?...well, tell you what, like sera who never shows her photos, like anas, who cut his head from his photos, and like mat jan who followed anas steps, i am going to post my pictures here on my blog, but you have to guess which one am i...

cik jannah dearie, all the girls are cute ( schon! )..and i'll email you later to tell you which one am i..!!

hik, any guess?

if my journal entry for the photo did not show up when you access my blog, klik here

yg berjaya kat bawah tuh, berjaya masukkan image dlm hp nie, since dari arituh try create image asyikk tak keluar, smlm test keluar image, ari nie dah tader ker?

the photo belwo is taken masa gi stc kat mccormick state park last summer, yg ader dlm gambar tuh sumer budak2 purdue university, i'm the only dari univ of minnesota....

and mom, German tuh dah lama berjaya, mmg takyah amik finals dah, siap dpr sehr schon lagik dari cikgu, ekekekekk :)..so dari 4 classes. one A is in hand...

akhirnyer, berjaya juga!..

so, mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the fairest of them all?

today is not as cold as prediected, at least for this morning. i can't write anything insulting this week, i'm fasting and i'm taking exams, may Allah bless me for taking care if my tounge ( ye ker? ).

few controversial things happen this few days. exam tension, loneliness, coldness are the main contributor to this problem. and thus, to avoid more "personal" touch ( applied to non - webmasters life story ) on my page, let us change the daily life to a day in animal farm ( penah baca tak ? )

when all the animals decided that they are going to have schools like human does, they are not so sure of what kind of syllybus they whould have. because in the swimming class, the duck and the fish will surely win all the race and in the jumping class, surely the frog ngan the kangaaroo will win all the races.

and so one day, ugly little duckling was swimming in the pond, where all the students were in swimming class. he was practicing as the race will be on the next 3 days, and she just started swimming yesterday!. and so he was practidcing happily as he approached two other students who were taking a break from the class. they were the bear and the frog.

bear: i hate it when you can swim
frog: hey,i just learned swimming yesterday la..come on la, i practice you know
bear: liar, i never saw you practicing here, in the lake
frog: i did la, it's just that you never see me doing it, does not mean i did not do it.
bear:well, i still think it's unfair
frog: what unfair?swimming?

if only the conversation between people are that way, cam kak zira cakap, when we don't like it, express it, when we don't want to hear it, say stop, and be courteous, for Allah's sake, this is rational life, we are no monkeys in zoo bars, we think...only differently..."dodge different", iklan kete dodge..

and moral of my animal farm: be the ugly duckling, life is so much easier when you are not the center of the attraction!

here i am chasing my TA here and there. the wather is more than cold. and i am wearing 4 layers of clothes. urghhhh.....tomorrow is even worse, the weather is predicted to be FRIGID!!!...whereas to day is cold...(sigh)

'ain who used to be my deskmate in class masa form 5 kat KISAS, send me a poem for my b'day. hey, where have you been all this while? rindu la wei!!! sumer budak klas kiter ( pompuan aa ) hilang begitu sahaja, tinggal ed sorang carik baik all you guys...:)

here's the poem:

Ed,
Dan kitalah pelayar
Mengharung laut harap
Bahtera kedil di dada ombak kehidupan
Di tangan kita kemudi
Terasa payah mengalah arus dunia
Bekal kita
doa dan air mata
Juga secangkir semangat,
tangis dan semangat.

Entah besok
Badaikan mengamuk
dan kita dilambung penentuan
Lantas sabarkah kita
menahan angin taufan
Apakah layar bahtera kan robek..
Apakah kemudi kan patah..
Lantas samudera ini kan jadi kuburan???

Entah bila
mentarikan menjelma di kaki langit...

Ed,
Kitalah pelayar
mengharung laut harap...
terpaksa akur menelan kepahitan...
Namun ketahui,
pahit itulah bakal mengajar
nilai kemanisan..

Selagi ALLAH menghendaki,
Fajarkan masih menyinsing...

Teruskan perjuangan!!!

All the best!

she was the school BM debater while i was the english debater. she is angle of the class, while i was the "menace" of the class. she obeys all school rules , while i broke all school rules. my male classmates like her a lot, while they hate me as much. hahahahah! ( she who laughed last, laughed best! )

that's surely tells ya something about me...

stubborn you are, naughty you are, schon you are, genius you are, happy-go-lucky you are, UNIQUE YOU ARE copy anasnyer, :)

dah later2 in the day baru ader tenaga, aper la, tadik2 tido jer, rasa cam nak pitam. sama cam rasa masa lepas amik triple shot sblm fly. masa tuh, pi klinik yati kat section satu nuh, tgh2 hari jumaat, naik beskal. actuallynyer, klinik tuh dah nak tutup, tapi sbb tu family doktor, dia sanggup la tunggu ed kejap dtg amik triple shot yg required before fly tuh.

as known, ed mmg takut needle and syringe2 nie, udah ler triple dos, rasa sakit dia, tak terkata ( kak max pls la reka cara lagi baik utk bagi shot! )

then, after the shot was given, balik la umah naik beskal yg di beri nama chrys ( mountain bike2 series ). mak tak kasik naik motor, takut accident, bapak plak tak kasik bawak kete sbb dia kater " usaha sendiri utk carik duit and beli kete sendiri! ".

on the way back home, the sun shine sesgt, paham2 la tgh2 hari kat mesia. the sky is blue and the sun was shining too bright and to hot for me. sampai2 umah, my vision become blurr, bila pandang muka mak, nampak dot2 hitam kat muka dia, so rasa semacam gaks, "am i losing my vision?, aper nak jadik ni?" i did not dare to tell my mom sbb takut dia panik, so diam jer. then i went to my room, tell gg ( my little sister ), " along nak tido, along rasa penin aa", so off i went to bed.

when i woke up, my vision is 20-20, yea yea yea!...then i make my own solution, next time, if i suffer any "funny" kind of sickness, off to bed i go!...

so, tha't what i felt today, and that's whay i did, whenver i felt the "funny" sicknesses again!

good morning world!
and hepi besday to myself, the 19th, yea yea yea......

my limb is all weak, due to 13 hours straight of sleep. lepas terawih smlm, amik satu unisom, terus tido, straigh, tanpa makan sahur, so all i ate yesterday was little bit of rice and that's it, off i went to bed....

dah my body is craving for sleep since monday, amik ko satu tidur yg best..and never ask for it again after this, since, this coming friday is my first finale paper for fall 2000, which is calc 3.

then comes physics on monday nite and last but not least, aem on wednesday afternoon. thursday, off i go to washington DC!!! yea yea yea....

german you said?..well, if i managed to score 85% out of the marks before my final, i don't have to take the final and still score and A.
and now , out of 4 points i can make, i only mader 2.5...if by next week, i managed to maintained this, there will be no german final for me!! congratulations for myself!!!

yesterday journal is not yet uploaded from my computer at home.

today's schedule is more packed than i expected yesterday. more places to go, more people to see....sigh, when will this be over? cepat la cuti!!!

so many kad raya in my mailbox, where is my b'day cards? :)

just now, walking back from AEM class ( kat fraser hall ) to my work place, awin, me and zaki walk together, the guys were going to como masjid to catch friday prayer. we were talking about tomorrow's event utk PERSISMA, buka puasa and solat terawih berjemaah, yg tak confirm lagik becos an ustaz from
MSD chicago nak mai plak,

then zaki asked me wether i know how to reserved a room here on campus, i said yes. then he asked" eh, arituh noris carik room, why dia pi tanya org2 lain sedangkan u is her hosmet?" then i answered, " dah dia tak tanya ed".....and he said " egocentric"...hahahahha

so true yet so painful to hear. i am egocentric. rite now, i stop going to 2 student's houses here in minnesota just beacuse little things like that.

one house i stopped coming to is zulfaa's and rafique's. the reason is simple yet strong enough to keep me from going there if i can afford to. the story is like this:

one day, me and jambu derek went to their house, when only one of them was at home. then the person said, " do you guys mind leaving this house as soon as possible?"..after that, the only thing i remember is, " never , ever, step in this house again! "

the other house pulak is the biggest house here. the reason pun more or less like the above, but with a more personal way. the story goes like this :

we were on our way driving to purdue university for midwest games, the driving took us about 12 hours with a lot of stops. since i am the co pilot, it is my job to makesure the pilot don;t go assleep or else we ll would end in the ICU , all the 12 of us..so we were talking about 4 seasons and why it happens, the driver, who was my friend from austin, texas, asked me about it. then i said, it's because the earth is roating excatly on the y axis, but it is tilted a little bit. one of the guys who lived in that big house make a very peculiar remark that i did not wanna hear at that time.." ala..si ed tuh ngarut jer tuh, yea la kan kene layan driver, sbb tu la pilih ed, sbb dia pandai ngarut"..that's it, never ever, visit them them again!

sumer samer jer!

well, more busy days ahead...



testing utk kesekian kalinyer!

little note for Miss Munajat:i nyer journal yg ader msg utk you tuh, dah masuk archives, so, klik la kat archives last week :)

today, is handicapped day. for two reasons:

1. two of my fingers is not functioning well, caused by two papercuts yesterday
2. i skipped 2 classes this morning, in return i got 8 hours of good sleep...( yea yea yea )

luckily, today is not as cold as yesterday, i think today is about 10f, whereas yesterday is about -2 f which is equal to -18.5 c.
and yes, i will never see anything above 0 c for this coming few months. kak har meailed me her address, and alhamdulillah her wishes when she came here last summer were granted, she is expecting a new baby next year!!..and the best part is, when i'm going back next year, i can go and visit her and her new baby!..cam jadik auntie plak, ekekeke

this saturday, i'll be mailing out all the cards to be send home and ther countries including korea and australia, so check your mailbox within this few weeks!

hmm..not much happen today, got physics lab and an invitation for open house at the minnesota international center...
other than that, i slept, woke up for aem lecture at 12.20, then solat zuhur, went to lab, came home with Jambu derek ( aka azarina )
, it is still snowing outside, that's why it's warmer than yesterday..check mailbox ( both reality and electronically, byk giler surat )
iklan and sales for christmas, solat 'asr..break fast with nasik, ayam, tea, sayur and chubby hubby...

then solat maghrib, online kat pc nie ha, then lost the idea for writing my blog today

the end

erkk..not being feminist here, but note left by Subly make me kind of " dogmatic " ( here we go again! )

number of guys here in the U of M is a lot more than girls beacuse of the majoring they offer here, mech e, chem e, aero e..most propably not much girls wanted to come here. and moreover, the picture there does include many other people ( ramai yg malas masuk sesi photography ari tuh )..

end

notes utk Zira

guestbook tuh bukan tak berfungsi, tapi entry kak max yg ader gambar tuh, bertindih ngan image given by the webmaster ( tpt sisi form tuh) so what i suggest you to do is, gi kat preference and choose more than 5 entries per page, and see what happen, if nothing change, then email la mamat neoneo tuh, the webmaster,,,

and blog nie, i'm not so sure, cause i can still update my blog, but i can't open the webpage of this blog, prob maa...

end

allrite, once more, given the oppurtunities, alhamdulillah, break fast in the office for one more time..
and today, i got the chance to pack few things before i left for school..

i grabbed last nite uneaten salami and telur mata kerbau (between two slices of wheat ) and my favourite of all times, bubur nasik telur ( i have not give it any appropriate name yet, cause i just invented it last 3 weeks when i got cold and feverish and had no idea what to eat, and ponteng klas for one week!..ugrhhghghhg..ugly week! and grapefruit juice...:)

i am all fat and big!

well, try to hantar email kat zira, but server @ postmaster tnbnyer email server kater mailbox dia dah penuh...:)

first of all, thanks to anas for the picture and the lesson, i'm gonna try it out today at work with all the boredom untill 7 pm....

now, i am in global study program office where i am waiting for the application form to be photocopied. you see, i am one of the peple who are responsible in giving out scholarship for a study exchange program between USM and my university. and so, every year, 2 students from my uni is chosen to study kat m'sia for a semester and 2 students from m'sia will come here to study for the spring semester. last year, 2 gals came, and this year another 2 gals is coming ( what is happening to all the male students??!! )...one girl doing chemical engineering and aerospace engineering...this uni is in the tope ten schools list for mechanical engineering, aerospace and ranke
the 1 in chemical engineering ( according to US news 1998 )..

this year, for the first time, a real malaysian student is actually involved in choosing the candidates for receiving the scholarship...before this, no one wanted to this, which i kind of thought as very interesting, experience and power ( heeheh, i'm not gila kuasa la, praktis jer :) )....and so this year for the first time jugak la, number of applicant nearly approach 10 applicants ( berkat daya promosi dari kelas ke kelas selama seminngu). i had to go from class to class, annoucing about this program and promoting to them to aplply this scholarship to study abroad. rasa cam masa skolah2 pulak, masuk kelas ke kelas buat annuoncement depan students and teachers, except that they have a lot more questions.

this program not only offer students to go to m'sia for free, they also have aggreeement with other universities from germany, tanzania, iceland and, tak igt satu lagi...anyway, before this we had to be the penalist for the open day for promoting this program. at that time, i;m the youngest penalist for the board,..and this is not the first time on any program i'm the youngest penalist/ represenatative...because most countries are represented by their master's degree students, and here we have only very few master's students who wanted to be known as m'sian :)

and so, tonite i have to review their applications, along with zaza, whom i heret along this work, and read their essays, grade their transcripts....ewah, cam masa MARA kasik scholar pulak dulu...call them to interview and interview them and decide who are the two lucky people who will get the chance to study in USM for free!...they will be surprised that the comitte member is younger than them!..ekekek..let that be the funniest part and something that they will remember before coming to m'sia..the schon madchen ( kene masuk bakul in other language! )...

here i am in kolthoff hall, having my german lesoon for today. we are not done yet, we are in our break. 6 minutes...

let me introduce all my instructors for this semester, fall 2000 ( just in case i forgot them )

blythe innners - german 1001
jon urheim - physics ( electromagnetics )
yohannis ketema - statics and dynamics
donald aronson - calc 3 aka multivariable calc

till then

ahaks, sera wants to know why ed is so courage why ed gives away her address here? that is because she is moving next january 6!.....but all the mails will be fowarded to the new address by the US mail...that's is something here you don't have in m'sia. here is you move away, or you went on a vacation, the US mail will keep all your letters, and forward it to the new address given by you. all you have to do is fill out a from in the post office and show a picture ID, ( that this is you requesting, not fraud ), and they will do what you ask them to do, basically la...

about that photo, here are some funny facts about the photo publish in the utusan:
edisi utara: black and white with names
edisi tgh: colored with names
edisi sabah sarawak: tak sure colored or not, but no names

hehe, so figure this one out, who am i?...

ermm..nie nak test ilmu anas kasik dulu2

eh, the photo in the utusan is black and white la, you can never detect me la, the small2 one ( eh, pecah rahsia plak ), nevermind la , wait for harakah and berita edition, ....ekekekk..colored version.

since the last two journals i read are about raya and kad raya and taking of break from writing journal, i'd like to have few words regarding this too..

cuti from journal writing
well, depending on my acces to the free world aka i-net, i would still like to update my journal everyday even when i'm so far away from this slow computer here at home. i must admit, i am an internet freak, i can't live without internet...
but i do think that malaysian embassy surely has their own internet networking ( mischieveously, like wicked grin from the witch from the west! )....and i can;t live without checking my emails, thus, i will, and will try my best to update my journal everyday...

raya and card raya
if anas can make a wish, for a hari raya card and he is going back for good, whatmore ed who wil be rayaing here, heheh, i can make wish too what?

here is my add,

Nadhra Halig
624 Huron Blvd SE #102
Minneapolis MN 55414
USA

simpler jer, saper nak hantar parcel hadiah b'day pun di alu2kan, ekekek ( melampau tak permintaan ?)..

today for break fast. it's really yummy, yummy food...apple pie ( by noris ) and chicken rice by zaza...i'm the only one not cooking, after the incident of chicken spghetti, i did not dare to cook, at least not this week, let me get over the phobia..

anyway, it about time now, 7 minutes more to go...later :)

rite now, i am online, chatting with aida ( girlfriend shazlan ) and my own best bud azlina.
azlina got some very ( jgn perasan makcik, pls la !)
interesting idea about thinking..:)

^zazu> yeah
^zazu> maybe kot
^zazu> hmm
^zazu> entahlah
^zazu> some ppl
^zazu> likes to think
BlueIceCube> you don't?
BlueIceCube> aper la..
BlueIceCube> ekeke
BlueIceCube> thinking is like breathing what
^zazu> i mean
^zazu> some ppl think heavy stuff
^zazu> you know
^zazu> cam enstein
BlueIceCube> hmm
BlueIceCube> how do you differ
BlueIceCube> heavy and light?
^zazu> light tu mcm benda future
^zazu> mcm apa nak makan
^zazu> heavy tu mcm
^zazu> kenapa things happen the way they are
BlueIceCube> ha..
BlueIceCube> interesting tuh
BlueIceCube> menarik
BlueIceCube> maner u dpt such idea?
^zazu> biasalah i
^zazu> suka buat teori yg irrelevant
BlueIceCube> ekekek
BlueIceCube> tapi ader benarnyer la..
BlueIceCube> nak masukkan dlm log aa

so here it is and partial credit is from Azlinawati, puas hati makcik?..thanks a lot for the sweater, hopefully tuh hadaih b'day i la kan? yg ker 19...erkk..nak mintak benda2 lain lagik buleh tak? like b'da kad, and kfc and .......:)...say hi to everybody

saper nak tgk gambo ed dan budak2 Univ ed, sila baca utusan minggun ahad, dec 2 2000, carik gambar budak2 minnesota, ed adalah minah yg bertudung putih and berbaju kurung biru, what do you think of me ( ala, gambo beso btg lidi jer...:)

i am hypoglyclaemic ( salah eja kot! )..like Jannah, i easily lost all the glucose in my body system. this may due to two things: my high KMA or my high insuline in my body.

my hypoglyclaemia was discovered in 1998, right after SPM, before my medical check up. it was my aunt who works at army hospital in Kinrara ( aunty Marsila ). she brought a small device to test people's blood to see how much level of sugar one have in their blood. this is beacuse one of my uncle has diabetes, so she wants to make sure that it was not an inheritable disease .

and so everyone had their blood prickled at the end of a thin needle and swiped on a small, rectangular, white card which is later pust under the device to get the reading how much sugar one hvae in theri blood. it was a small square, grey box, with columns for digital numbers like in calculator and it measures sugar miligram per ml blood.

and i am afraid of blood and needle and anything that got ot do with it. this is why i did not go to med school. and so, my fingers were cold when she prickled the blood from the tip of my index finger. then she swiped it on the white card, and then inserted it under the small grey device. the digital column give a reading error.

she decided that the machine( small device ) need more blood to get the reading. so she pressed the tip of my index finger for more blood, and the white card was thick with blood, and still after inserting it under the sugar detector, it said there was error.

the third time, she replaced the old white card with a new one. and she prickled my finger at a new spot on my index finger ( ouch, ouch ouch!)
with more blood...( eeeieiieieieieiieieii! )

only then the devide gives a reading : 0.02 ...

and my aunt was surprised, because the normal sugar amount in one's blood is 0.05 ( the safest ), before one is consideres diabetic. and my reading shows that i need more sugar in my blood, hik sounds like i don't eat sugar at all, mind me they come from carbohydrate..

now that explains a few things that i experienced, like "floating feeling", non - real life experience and the feeling that my brain is being "squeezed" a lot of times.

well, that's not a serious or any major illnesses, just reminding myself that i lack sugar and I NEED TO EAT MORE,

jannah, do you have any idea how to overcome this? ( med student, surely you have something, kan? ) heheh..

just broke fast, 6th day..going on 24 days more..and life getting too much, too demanding from me..cepatla final, cepat la cuit!. at least once i got to DC, meeting ayu and the geng, masa tuh release some adrenalin low kot.can't hardly wait!

utk buka ari nie, coffee french roast and kurma 3 bijik. that's it, tak selera la..lepas nie nak solat, tolong zaza masak laksa and semayang lagik and terawih. kak zie called telling thet she could not make it to dar al farouq ari nie, so tak sampai la cita2 nak solat terwaih berjemaah hari nie...

:)..peace!

the last journal was written right after sahur. i had my porridge from last nite and a little scoop of ben and jerry's ! i had my favourite falvor, chubby hubby..( look at the name itself you can guess what's the indegredient )..it has pretzels coated with chocolate with the flavor of peanut butter ( since i go here, i really like peanut butter )...with the swirls of true vanilla and chocolate peanut butter, yum ,yum...that is my favourite flavor...

today, i am supposed to finished my german essay and my aem hw, wish me enough energy to do those!

hmm, semalam as soon as ed sampai umah, terus naik atas bed tido!...tak larat aaaaa.. nak makan pun tak selera, letih sgt. logik la, this week mmg tido pukul 2-3 morning, and then klas for sure mula kul 9 hari2 and end paling awal pun khamis tu, 3.20 pm, sejam sepuluh minit sblm time buka, berkejar masak buka posa....

and then sblm jejak bed tuh, kak zie call, ajak pi solat terawih kat masjid darul farouq, tapi since dah tak larat tuh, mimpi la, pesan kat kak zie suruh call esok sblmd ia gi, pegi ari nei la kira, ( journal ni ganti smlm punya )..

on the way balik umah smlm, dah la windy, i think it was the coldest day of this week la, sbb pakai wool sweater yg selalu takyah pakai glove and berpeluh2 pun, kene pakai glove and still terasa angin mlm, terhuyung - hayang masa balik ,rasa cam nak jatuh jer, maybe sbb kurang glukose sbb mlm smlm tak sahur :P

daya konsentrasi sgt2 la rendah, aper pun takleh pikir lama2, seih betul, sbb dlm klas dua tiga kali duk remind diri sendiri," eh, dlm klas aa, dengar aa aper instructor cakap, jgn la pikir benda lain plak"

pastuh, kul 10, bangun, solat isya', solat terawih, noris pun balik. ed tanya dia, " lapo ker?", dia kater masakla aper2 pun sbb zaza tadik "ketakutan"( ceriat ttg ketakutan ini akan di sambung apa bila ia tida hangat lagi, harap maklum! ), so dia buat scramble egg. the deal is, ed nie musim2 posa and time2 lapo, cerewet sket pilih makanan, tuh la susahnyer...so masak la bubur, simple and sedap!

tapi lepas masak tuh ilang selera lagik skali, so layan noris borak lepas dia solat isya' and terawih, dia baru balik keje tim etuh, dia keje cashier kat recreational center..dulu ed keje jadik custodian kat situh, skang tak lagik la..

skang nei takut plak nak pi timbang berat at rec, lagik2 sejak mula posa ni...ednyer berat mencapai nilai optimum skali jer, masa form 3, last time duk ngan mak, 48 kg..pastuh lepas2 tuh , sampai skang, paling2 pun masa kat ppp 45 kg...la nei lagik la..last time timbang summer ( cuti ari tuh ), 43 kg..skang nie dgn tak makannyer, tader seleranyer, tak tahu la baper..

tuh ari tuh kak har sakat ed, "ha, nei kalau berat tak sampai 45 kg, jgn berangan nak get pregnant aaa" ekekek...skolah lagik aa kak har!...camner aa? mak ed baca nei, sure bising, "aper la anak aku nie " sorry mum, just takder selera aa, pastuh banyak sgt keje sampai tader masa nak makan, ( tuh alasan menyedapkan ati jer..)

masa hawa dtg sini main ski, dia pun kater, " eh, ed makin kurus". masa tuh rasa nak jerit jer, apsal la kurus gt, samapi sumer org sound, sedih woo..camner nak gemuk nie?..ishh..confuse sekejap...

cerita2 sedih smlm ed nak lupaka sekejap, so later2 laa..kiter cerita okay?

masa pegi beli filet utk buka kat office kat moose tower ( medical school for this univ ), org yg jual tuh tanya ed "is that for lunch?". i said la " no, it's for break fast", and he says" it is already noon, it is not morning"

" i'm fasting today"
"that's what i thought, when i saw you wearing veil , taking that filet, i thought you are not fasting today. i'm also fasting today, i'm a muslim too, from morrocco, whre are you from?"
"i'm from malaysia"
"alhamdulillah, happy breaking fast!"

sbb ed beli tuh dlm kul 2 ptg, since pegi anta video kat bio med library, singgan cafe sekejap sblm balik office balik, at least ade makanan nak buka.

saper kater kat mesia jer bulan posa takleh makan kat public?

in less than five minutes, i have to do closing for this library..it is now 4.55 pm and i had just finished my maghrib prayer and buka posa here in teh library ( no food and drinks in the lib for patrons! )

so many things happen today, and yesterday. but first et me thank Allah for giving me strength t continue my life and opening up some people's mind to help me get through..(syahdu rasa, kan lan ? )

t be continueed when i get home