blues? no blues, greens and reds and yellowss..
and sea breeze and moutain dew and twinkling stars
plus hot chocolate and cheezels, yum yum

STOPP

no way
at least not this week
exam, 2 papers
then move out to the new apartment
then shopp
buy some stuff
( should i or should i not buy a new back pack? my zipp is broken )
then sleeppppp

then off to airport
chicago
montreal
gatewick

lina went to a leadership camp
so we can't plan anything now

work
till seven
but tonite
the dining hall is open till midnight
which means

study in the dining hall!!

sad an upset still i am
the blues from about 5 years ago is back
accountability is checked
and the result
is not something pleasing

i am totally giving up (again, sigh! )

why does some people get the privilege from life?

and why does some people have to suffer from minor things?

and why do we keep judging people?

why?

history background
----------------------------------------

1996 - PMR ( memory ekk? )
location - SomewhereSometimeSomeplace

imagine life
when the person sitting next to you suddenly move back
leaving you
the only person in class sitting alone
every teacher who came in asked
" why are sitting alone polan si polan?"
and i can only shrugged my shoulder
like a plintiff in court
wasn't realy sure when the trial is over
when the judgement is going to stopped

during recess time
the punishment is not over yet
you have to eat your food by yourself
alone ( again, sigh )
and they
who did this
just looked away and pretend there is nothing wrong

when teachers started teaching
you are off on your own world
where only you exist
and no others matters

but once they are done
you are back to reality
and you walked home alone
wondering why they are treating you like this

no answers
nothing
just prayers and tears

year is over
the result is here
again you were attempted to think
so, how are they going to treat me again?

you name is called
then you are glad
that all the hardwork
was worth the while

and one by one they come
apologizing for the game they played
-----------------the end------------------------------
lemma:

and you never understand why
untill now
you are the one
among all people
among all students
to be the one to sit in the plaintiff chair

when the court ends
you win
but never understand what it is
that you did
make you to sit there and suffer the moments

while others
who obviously are the murderer ( of a soul )
are free to go
and fly high and get admired
and go through life
easier than yours

the question is
not life is fair or not
neither it is "qada' and qadar"
but why?
in the first place that people are like that

does that mean that YOU have to be like them too
in order to survive
and that they are right ( since they are the majority )
and you are living your life wrong?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

slept at 5 am last nite
tuh la, procastinate banyak2 lagi
padan muka
like or not
i forced myself to wake up before ten am
to catch my DE last class

my lips is bleeding
it hurts when i brushed my teeth this morning
it has been really dry lately

issues in my mind

*internship*
*medal*
*ceremony from MIC*
*summer travel*

seluar maroon yg terlalu panajng beli kat DC
where is it? i wonder

he did cook
heee ( me smiling from ear to ea )
seronok dapat dera org..

reza is here
i never mention anything abut him
just that if one day i wanna know who else is here
besides my best friend
it would be reza

anything else?
none
waiting for meeting of PERSISMA at 6
of maybe yung will come and get me here

weird
i have 6 pages long paper
and i am no where near the starting point
you don't want to know

kak har sent an email
dia bercuti after a while
innalillah
she had miscarriage lepas syawal arituh
so she was resting

BOT
she promised that i can stay at her "house"
if i manage to go to paris
she offered a tour , even!
and cook chicken rice
yeay for her

esok
lan kene masak utk ed
sbb ed best ( remember the mirror law? )
hahahahaha
we will see how good cook he is
( aida, might want to take note, hehe )

lain2?
tired of the saying
"man takes care of women"
buhsan se sgt dah
tolong la..
pathetic giler
at least word it in a different way
it sounds sucks giler
abis2 abisan

just because gender exist
it does not mean you have to define
EVERything down

just because we are different
does not mean we can't live together
without depending SOLELY on one another

just because women LOOK fragile
does not mean they are WEAK
and just because men HAVE POWER
does not mean the world is created for man

please
no more sexism
i am totally tired of this game
...........................................

can i be gender neutral?..it's easier that way

............................................

today is the weirdest day ever. i woke up as usual, around 8.45 fo my class at 9.05 am. took a shower, did not blow my hair, just wipe it nice and almost dry, tied it up and wear my tudung and baju kurung ( lagik ). off to school with 15 minutes late. when i arrived, Pilwon was doing some problems and it seems like he just started because the rest of the blackboard ( yes, with chalk ) was still clean. 'the problem looked very familiar', i talked to myself. " yeah, from midterm #3".....

then he did some review and i left for computer lab, check my mail....*meeting tomorrow*, *meet Steve*, *meet lan*....then off to EECsi to meet lan, he was late, 2 minutes late ( still counted ). we walked to CIC, to get my photos from steve, and try to get the extra t-shirt, but there was none left. walked again towards gateway center, tour around the school, yell a few stuff...he was darker than i last saw him, or is it me who became fairer? hehheheh...

brought him to my dorm and gave him the t-shirt, semayang and talked, 1.25 pm, my C++ lab is suppose to start. so i left him at the EECsi building and went downstairs.

well go there in lab on time. nobody i know was there. weird. i knocked, " is there a lab? ", he replied" not today", uh oh, no class....fine..took the shuttle and went back to dorm.

sleep
sleep
sleep

suddenly, an alarm went off. " not again", i thought, last time when the fire alram went off, it was just practicing, this time? i have no clue...it started to rain heavily outside, but i knew it was not a fire alarm, it came from the outside. since it has been a while since i had eaten with Kyoung rae, i woke her up and went to dinner. suddenly, there was an unclear annoucement, "....tenth wing ", i have no clue what is happening.
someone forced us to leave the dining hall , " go to the tenth wing basement", what tenth wing?....

people was swarming the stairs to the basement, " what is going on? ", people started asking, then suddenly a fire alarm ( this time i knew it was right because the sounds was exactly like the last time )...and a voice came out. " this is not a fire alarm, the TORNADO WARNING had been changed to SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING...you can go back to where you were last time"...so i went back to the lobby to get to teh dining hall. me and kyoung rae peeked outside ( there was a big huge clear glass window facing the parking lot in the lobby area ), i saw small transparent ball coming down , " hailstorm! "...and kept watching,....

a few minutes later, there were no more hails, all left is heavy rain. i wnet back to get food tray in the dining hall...as soon as i get to the table, the sun was shining brightly and happily outside." hmm, i STILL HAVE TO GO TO CLASS?', my women studies class, hate it!...

so, check off from dining table, leaving kyoung rae with john, semayang asar, grabbed my school back pack and left for school. this time i walked to school, no buses. arrived at the hallway, saw my classmate " no class today, class canceled", in was like " what? one more class canceled?" huh..went there, put my name on the attendence sheet , and elave to write my weirdest journal, probpably the longest ever, ( besides my crushes ! )...

and i have to go back to my dorm.....:P

..................................................................
moral: count the word I in the above story...

green view everywhere
unfortunately my contact lens
would not fit in this morning
i tried a new oneabout 5 minutes ago
my eyes hurt
now it's feeling better

wonderig why
tomorrow
i am going to have 3 things important
presentation at Field Middle School
meeting with contact lens technician
( i need a new set, propably colored this time, green/hazel
what do you think mom? )
and then ME equipment return
and then propably meeting with PERSISMA

huh
what a day!
..........................................